Dear Panda,

Well its a year. It hasn't stopped hurting and I doubt if it will. I held all the others when they went to the bridge. But I didn't get to hold you and say goodbye. That's why you are different. I would give anything to go back and be able to do that. It breaks my heart. But to bring you out of the anesthetic and have you in terrible pain just to satisfy my feelings I could not do that to you.

You see I thought when I kissed your little nose & said Mommie will be back. I'll come get you. I really thought you would be coming home well again. But when the doctor opened you up and found your were full of cancer, I had to make a decision. Your best interest or mine. Because I loved you so much - I chose to hide my feelings and do what was best for you.

It will haunt me til the day I die. But sweetheart I did it because I loved you. I know you weren't alone as Chifie was there with you. He never left - after he passed at Christmas- I could feel him here and he was watching over you as he knew you were going to meet him soon. When I came to get you and brought you home- I knew Chif left too. So you had a Guardian Angel there with you and I Thank God that you didn't die alone.

So goodbye my sweets- I love you and miss you terribly, but I know you are with your buddy and daddy Chifie. I can see you two playing at the bridge now.

One day I will see you again. When I do I will kiss your little nose again like I use to and it will be alright again in my life.

Til I see you in Heaven--

Love & Puppy Licks,

Mommie